I was introduced to Ihsan during my first week at Fordham University as the Institute of International Humanitarian Affairs (IIHA) Communications Officer. I learned she was sent to the U.S. on a Fulbright from Lebanon, and chose Fordham’s Master of Science in Humanitarian Studies as her program. We immediately became more than acquaintances. We became friends. As she steadied her grip coming up our three flights of stairs, I looked over her shoulder to see a young man following behind her. He was driving her around New York for her appointments.
When Ihsan turned 13 she was diagnosed with Stargardt, a rare genetic eye disease that causes vision loss over time and, according to Low Vision of NY, affects 1 in 10,000 patients. Despite the challenges this disability brought her, Ihsan turned her despair into work advocating for women and people with disabilities. In Lebanon, she had volunteered with World Vision and now she was working on her thesis, “Through the Blurred Lens: A Humanitarian Exploration of Visual Impairment in Lebanon through Ihsan’s Eyes”.
Fast forward to May 2024, Ihsan attempted to extend her work (as part of her Fulbright program) upon her return to Lebanon after graduation, however, she was home for only five months before a bomb was dropped five houses away from her home.
“There has always been instability in my home country, but after the bombing I thought “Okay. It’s time to get ready to leave.”” Ihsan’s idea of her project and eventually returning to the U.S. dropped to the bottom of her priority list. She needed to save her own life.
Since the 1970s, Lebanon has been immersed in a civil war, and subsequently, at war with Israel. Even before this time period, Lebanon suffered from occupation from several countries including France and Germany. But after the October 2023 Hamas-led attack on Israel and the war in Gaza, Hezbollah — an Iran-backed Lebanese political party — took matters into their own hands and attacked Israel. In September 2024, Israel started dropping bombs on Lebanon, killing at least 3,000 civilians. Ihsan did not want to be one of those civilians and immediately started making plans.
Ihsan and I stayed in touch over the course of these five months and until her migration from Lebanon to Jordan to Canada. Sometimes her voice messages via WhatsApp were filled with panic, sometimes stress or anxiety, and sometimes hope. If there was a long pause between checking in, especially after she told me about the bombing, I sent her a voice message asking her if she was okay. First it (the bombing) took place on her street and then next near Beirut Airport, the airport she needed to use to evacuate. As a previous humanitarian education worker, I felt helpless. The first thing I wanted to do was get her to the U.S. Unfortunately, that was not a possibility. I told my colleagues, Brendan, Anne, and Ruth, the best thing I could do was offer social support. Sometimes, when you witness others going through a crisis you want to find a solution for them or throw your hands up in despair. Instead of offering nothing, I say offer mental health support. Be their friend. Don’t forget about them. Call them to check in and be a listener.
Nonetheless, the IIHA team and I took a big sigh of relief when we heard that Ihsan landed safely in Canada on October 31, 2024. After a few weeks navigating the intensity of the refugee system, I asked Ihsan if I could formally interview her. Ihsan’s story details an unexpected journey for a post-graduate from Fordham and I thought, “there’s no time like the present to capture an experience.” Our full conversation from Monday, December 9, 2024 can be found below:
Ihsan Hatab (MSHS ’24) and Fulbright scholar; Fordham University
Home country: Lebanon
IH: I arrived to Canada on the 31st of October. I made a decision a month before my travel and I put a plan for myself. I wanted to make sure that my flight would be safe and the airport would not be under attack. I booked my flight one month before I came here so I wanted to observe, read everything that was happening and analyze that the airport is a safe way for me and I also booked my flight just from Lebanon to Jordan. In case the airport in Jordan was attacked I left myself time to go through Jordan to Syria, which is also not safe but was plan B for me to evacuate.
LE: Can you describe the moment where you said to yourself “okay, I have to get out of here?”
IH: When I found that the war was still escalating and there was an attack in the same street just five buildings away.
LE: Yeah it’s time to go
IH: I knew that I wanted to go. I already have fear from staying and I have fear from leaving cause even with leaving it’s not safe cause you don’t know what’s going to happen. Only when I landed in Canada I was able to take a deep breath and thought “okay I’m alright.”
LE: Who was it that attacked the building five buildings away from you?
IH: It’s Israel
LE: That must have been so scary for you and your family.
IH: It’s the fact that I couldn’t sleep because I could hear the drones and the F-35 the whole time, night and day non-stop. We live on the 11th floor. It’s as if it was above our head. I could also hear the missiles going all around above our head and we didn’t know if it was going to be on us or not. My sister is younger than me. She has the same eye condition as me but she was so scared and traumatized and it was maybe her second experience in a war when in 2006 she was really little, only three years old. She’s a full adult today but she’s so traumatized now. She had a lot of fear but he was asking me, what if this attack will be on us? I was trying to turn things into humor and I told her: “Listen if you heard the missile and then you heard the bomb then it’s not on us. But if you heard the missile and didn’t hear the bomb and then you hear someone saying “who is your God?” then this is the time to say it’s (God) not here.” At some point I had to leave to go to the mountain and stay with a friend.
LE: She’s safe?
IH: She is safe in the north. Her home is in nature near the waterfalls and rivers. She has a nice place with gardens, we saved a lot of cats and dogs and we used to feed them every day. She’s a head nurse so she was able to treat them because some were under dehydration and we were doing intervention as much as we could but in a way we were safe. We couldn’t do more than that.
LE: You mentioned before that you used your knowledge from your MSHS, for example in Forced Migration, during your journey. Can you talk a little bit about the moment that clicked for you?
IH: All the time. I was reflecting on myself and I even asked an American lawyer and this was too hard to get approved. It would take a lifetime to get accepted. So, I decided to go back to Lebanon and made sure to apply for a Visa to Canada. I said goodbye to my family before leaving. So, I went to Lebanon and the war started to escalate. This is when Forced Migration came to mind like the idea of leaving your country and not everyone can leave. There is a term from Forced Migration and they say that in every family “there is the chosen one” due to their skills and education. I am the chosen one. My two brothers and one sister are not able to leave Lebanon because of different reasons. Another thing from Forced Migration is now how I am going to evacuate in a safe way without putting myself in danger. Let’s say I needed to go through Syria to get to Turkey or Jordan and I’ve heard of stories of human trafficking or smuggling or of the evacuation boats sinking. I was planning my evacuation in a safe way depending on what I learned from Forced Migration.
What about the Mental Health in Complex Emergencies Course (MHCE)?
IH: The biggest enemy for any human being is the stress hormone because it can control your physical and mental health and the way you are thinking. It’s related to everything actually, your body and your head. As much as I could, I tried to control my stress. I sometimes had to separate myself from reality and find a way to disconnect myself. For example, I went away to the mountain with my friend and helped out stray animals there. Because you know what they say? They say when you save lives you feel out of stress. The vibration of the cats purring is actually really healing. I felt unconditional love even from pets. I was trying to find those small things to get over my stress. What I have learned from the mental health course in such settings is that everyone has their own coping mechanism and there are some techniques that I have learned from the MHCE. When you have a panic attack from fear you need to know that you cannot control when the panic attack will come but you can control how to deal with it and prepare yourself. For example, breathing and relaxation techniques. As a female refugee with a disability, in all cases there is fear but sometimes you have to choose between that and moving forward. For me, I was managing fear and chose to keep going. So, I used what I had learned and was teaching it to my friends and family and everyone around me.
As a female refugee with a disability, in all cases there is fear but sometimes you have to choose between that and moving forward. For me, I was managing fear and chose to keep going.
LE: For the Humanitarian Advocacy course that you took, you said that there was a time you really had to advocate for yourself as someone with a disability. Can you talk a little bit more about that?
IH: By the time I took the flight from Jordan to Toronto it was challenging. I was going to miss my flight just because airport personnel wanted to take advantage of me because I am blind. They even made me book a return ticket and converted my money to Jordanian currency even though I did not need it. I asked for a refund on the ticket and they just gave me a piece of paper and I was not able to see it. They told me, “you cannot leave with a return ticket” but I said, “I’m not going to use it. I am going to stay in Canada for a while because there is a war going on in Lebanon.” I had 15 minutes until I needed to board my flight. I kept talking and pushing through. By the time I arrived in Canada I finally breathed. I was safe. I was smiling. I got off the aircraft and there was an assistant there waiting for me because I requested assistance. I asked the employee, “can you please take me to immigration I want to claim refugee status.” He replied, “definitely”. You know this word made me feel like “oh my god, I feel relieved.” After 14 hours of flight I stayed at the airport for the evening but it was one of the only times (during this journey) I felt like a human with dignity. I felt taken care of and respected. The application was processed and was not made complicated for me. I then asked for shelter as I financially could not afford a place to stay. When I went to the shelter they were surprised because it’s not accommodating for someone like me. It felt more like a prison than a shelter as well. During the day you can sit in a dining area with no Wi-Fi. You cannot rest on your bed. I finally met the founder of the shelter and I said, “ I want to introduce myself. I need to talk to you.” She asked me, “what’s the percentage that you can see? Like 50–60%?” And I said, “1%.” She took a deep breath and said, “this is definitely not your place.” She asked, “ do you want to stay at a hotel? Can you leave tonight?” I quickly replied, “give me five minutes.” People asked me why I was leaving and were a little bit jealous as they were also suffering. The founder even asked me if I had any feedback. I spoke up and told her, “this is not the place for refugees, especially those with disabilities. Giving people dignity matters.” Now, for example, at the hotel I have a kettle in my room so I can warm up my water to drink. I was forbidden, rather rudely, at the shelter. Also, being blind and financially constrained, it is incredibly challenging to go out to a cafe for tea. Years ago, I did not speak up. I liked to be silent. For this instance, at the shelter, I spoke to management and wrote my needs down and they gave my kettle back. To some people it may seem like such a small thing but actually I needed it at that time. I fought for it. What I learned is that if you are not going to fight for yourself, and this is one of the presentations Professor Anne Edgerton shared with us, “stand up and speak up.” So, this is what I have been doing. I am speaking up for every need. It has been challenging for me in every single way.
“What I learned is that if you are not going to fight for yourself, and this is one of the presentations Professor Anne Edgerton shared with us, “stand up and speak up.” So, this is what I have been doing. I am speaking up for every need. It has been challenging for me in every single way.”
LE: You talked about forced migration and the possibility of running into a human trafficking situation. Since I’ve met you, you have always been a strong voice for females and may be an area you think of yourself in one day. Anything you want to touch upon being a female refugee?
IH: I opened up the idea to my family that I might go through Syria just in case the airport was attacked. They went crazy. They said, “no way.” As a female with a disability going through the borders is not a safe way. Not because they were attacked but because of the trafficking and smuggling.
After Ihsan graduated from Fordham University and left for Lebanon her future seemed uncertain. Typically, alumni go on to travel, visit family, and search for career openings. Never did I imagine we’d be exchanging voice messages over WhatsApp as she evacuated bombing in her homeland. Her wish now as a refugee is to continue telling her story and apply for a work permit to help others with humanitarian aid, especially females and those with disabilities. She’s got the academic background and experience to do so successfully. Ihsan is temporarily sheltering at a hotel in Toronto. She stays in touch with our team here at the Institute of International Humanitarian Affairs and joins us for MSHS information sessions to connect with prospective students. We are very happy that she is safe now.
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Interview by Lily Egan , IIHA Communications Officer and edited by Nicole LaRosa, Senior Director of University communications
About the IIHA
The Institute of International Humanitarian Affairs (IIHA) at Fordham University prepares current and future aid workers with the knowledge and skills needed to respond effectively in times of humanitarian crisis and disaster. Our courses are borne of an interdisciplinary curriculum that combines academic theory with the practical experience of seasoned humanitarian professionals. The IIHA also publishes on a wide range of humanitarian topics and regularly hosts a number of events in the New York area and online.
